A deer rocket powered by exploding diarrhea. I mean, come on, nuff said right there. What more do I have to tell you about Xbox Live Arcade's newest treasure – Castle Crashers? Okay, fine, I'll talk more on the virtues of this beat 'em up brawler meets RPG fantasy freak fest after the jump. But come on! Exploding diarrhea!

Castle Crashers is brought to you by the same people who did Alien Hominid, which was a gem of a game that kept the feel of old school games while bringing it all into the next generation with some lovely animated graphics and a sense of humor and lightheartedness not rivaled by many games. Castle Crashers continues the themes set forth in Alien Hominid, though this time bringing players a game that mixes old side scrolling arcade fighters (think The Simpsons or X-Men games) with a level-up and RPG system.
Beware Of Kittens

Castle Crashers is first and foremost a brawler, where players will hack and slash their way from one side of the screen to the next, and only being able to move on once all the enemies have been properly disposed. The game's controls are simple, confining much of the action to the X and Y melee attack buttons, while leaving the A-button to jump and the B-button to use secondary items like your bow, boomerang, and sandwiches (yes, you heard that right). Players can also block with the left trigger and use their magic by holding the right trigger in and either pressing the Y attack button for a close burst or the B-button to fire it across the screen. Each of the four colored knights (Red, Orange, Blue, and Green) have their own magical specialty, ranging from ice and fire to poison. Besides the four knights, the game also features a bunch of unlockable characters, which you'll unlock as you go through the game and by completing prerequisites.

The map is displayed like a board game, where players are easily able to jump to every stage that they've previously been able to reach. After selecting a stage, you then head out into the action and do battle with enemies galore until finally ending up at the final boss. Enemies typically come in small forms, large forms, and various others. The small forms are usually your size and fight much like you, liking to fling arrows and other projectiles at you from a distance. The larger versions of the small enemies, however, like to walk up to you and just pound away. Other enemies include tail stinging scorpions, giant sand worms, bats, globs of goo, and much more. The bosses are typically the most unique and hilarious enemies in the game, ranging from giant catfish (literally a cat "meow" fish that spits up hairballs) to giant mechanized monsters of doom and even…a cob of corn? Hey, you fear the corn!

As you beat enemies and gain levels, you'll be able to put your points towards one of four skills, choosing to improve your attack damage, defense stats and health, magic power and regen, and speed and archery. You'll be able to max any character out with enough time, but early on you can shape your character based on how you want to play and what your weaknesses are in the game. For instance, since I was being killed off rather quickly, I chose to focus all my points into defense, and then augmenting that with power occasionally. Of course, with a character based around those kinds of stats, I was always front and center and attacking villains head-on.

I Need A Drink

Besides leveling your character up, you're also able to buy and find more powerful weapons that have stat increases of their own, and find pet animal orbs to provide stat boosts or perform attacks for you. A snail will improve your defense while lowering your agility, the ram will knock enemies down occasionally, and other animals will find fruit and hidden items for you.

The game is actually surprisingly long given the fact that you'll often need to grind from time to time in order to complete that next level in the story. If you're worried about it being the length of an arcade game, fret not, because you'll certainly get your money's worth in regards to time spent crashing castles. While speaking of story, I'd be remiss not to voice my disappointment at the lack of a proper story. The game has a narrative frame about an evil wizard stealing the princesses and you have to rescue them, but other than a random cutscene here or there, the game doesn't ever present to you a solid and cohesive narrative, which is sad, because considering how funny the characters, fighting, and animation is within the game, some proper dialogue or writing would've been a real treat.

The game can also be played with up to four players on one system or over Xbox Live. If you thought it was fun bashing enemies all by your lonesome, enjoying the fun and hilarity of a multiplayer match is the way to go in order to get the fullest and richest experience.

Castle Crashers features a color palette much like the one they used in Alien Hominid, featuring plenty of bright colors that make enemies and environments pop to life. The real winner in the visual department, however, goes to the excellent character animations. If it weren't for the animations, the world would really feel lifeless. The game also features some unique environmental flourishes, such as confetti raining down and merging into the foreground where the fighting is taking place. The sound effects are great, but lack a little when it comes to background music; it's okay, but nothing really remarkable.

Castle Crashers is a finely polished gem of a game to play, which merges old school gameplay with a completely new style and laugh-out-loud sight gags. The game has some faults in terms of the cheapness of some enemy AI and the way you need to level grind in order to move through the game to completion, but in the end the game's a blast and great addition to your Xbox Live Arcade collection.

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